Real Simple
Wed, January 21, 2009 
Real Simple magazine has a list for everything.Like: 18 Common Phrases to Avoid in Conversation. (Surprisingly, old standbys "Go fuck yourself," "That's so gay," and "You're retarded" didn't make the cut; meanwhile, "You look tired" and "Were your twins natural?" are apparently taboo.) Similarly, in Real Simple's newest syndicated article, 10 things to say to keep the peace, Real Simple proffers itemized advice for handling potentially volatile conversations. Here's The Doo's take on 3 of Real Simple's solutions for the following problems:
RS Problem: Getting Tuned Out
E.g., How your boyfriend acts when you pick the 4th quarter of the AFC Championship to inquire about the projected timeline of your engagement.
RS Solution: Ask him "Is this a good time for you?" If he says "No," ask "What would be a better time for you?" Proceed accordingly.
The Doo Says: Sure, this is sound advice. But let's face it--if you're raising this issue during a championship game, you're not looking for answers. What you're looking for is a fight. Accordingly, why not position yourself directly in front of the TV screen and loudly demand an answer? Now that you've got his attention, simply burst into tears, throw the remote out the window, and accuse him of not loving you. Who's tuning you out now??
RS Problem: Arguing About a Premature Topic
RS Solution: Say "Let's wait on this until we have more information."
The Doo Says: That's certainly one way to handle it. Or you could rain fire on one major U.S. city -- each week -- until your demands have been met.* Just Chinese water torture the shit out of him until the very thought of not naming your hypothetical daughter Margo makes him piss his pants with fear.
RS Problem: Jumping to Conclusions
E.g., How you react when a friend tells you, "You're lucky -- you don't ever have to worry that a guy is only interested in you for your looks."
RS Solution: Ask her, in a genuinely interested way, "What do you mean by that?" Then calmly listen to her explanation before drawing any conclusions about whether she considers herself the Uma Thurman to your Janeane Garofalo
The Doo Says: Warmly respond, "Guys aren't interested in you for your looks. They're interested in the fact that you'll let them 'Hot Carl' you on the first date."
Reader Comments (1)
Haha - I agree that "You look tired" is a phrase you don't want to say to people. And "Were your twins natural?" - that's something I want to ask every celebrity couple. Why are celebrities all having twins?