Edited-for-TV Movies: Doo!
Tue, May 12, 2009 
Last summer she was watching her favorite movie - Scarface - with some cousins in Korea. Of course, the whole thing was dubbed using decidedly un-Pacino, non-Pfeiffer, not-Mastrantonio American voices, and not a single bad word made it through the translation. And then it came time for her favorite line from the movie: "The world is like one big pussy waiting to be fucked." Except they had translated it as: "There are many opportunities for a young man in America."
Needless to say, we can't wait to go to Korea. In the meantime, here are some of our favorite movie quotes, as massacred by American television:
Silence of the Lambs
Aliens
Original: "You don't see them fucking each other over for a god-damn percentage."
Edited: "You don't see them frigging each other over for a god-damn percentage." *
Speed
Original: "Pop quiz, asshole."
Edited: "Pop quiz, [high-pitched, nerdy voice] ANIMAL!"
The Usual Suspects
Original: "Give me the keys you fucking cocksucker."
Edited: "Give me the keys you fairy godmother"
~and~
"Give me the keys you father bugger." **
The Exorcist
Original: "Your mother sucks cocks in hell."
Edited: "Your mother sews socks in hell."
Casino
Original: "So who blew you in the parking lot before you came here?"
Edited: "So who knew you in the parking lot before you came here?"
~and~
Original: "Fuck me? Fuck you, motherfucker!"
Edited: "Forget me? Forget you, mother forgetter!"
~and~
Original: "Listen to me, you Jew motherfucker."
Edited: "Listen to me, you Jew money lover." **
The Big Lebowski
Original: "This is what happens, Larry! This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!"
Edited: "This is what happens, Larry! This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps!"
National Lampoon's Vacation
Original: "Well fuck your mama."
Edited: "Who do I look like, Christopher Columbo?"
and of course, the crown jewel of TV editing:
Die Hard
Original: "Yippie-ki-yay, motherfucker."
Edited: "Yippie-ki-yay, Mickey-Fickey."
"Yippie-ki-yay, Kemosabe."
"Yippie-ki-yay, Mr. Falcon."
"Yippie-ki-yay, melon farmer."
Did I leave anything out? Click here to share your faves.
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* Frigging each other?
** Just as offensive as the original.
Doo
Reader Comments (5)
BLAZING SADDLES
"Little bastard shot me in the ass!"
"Little PUNK shot me in the YOU KNOW"
That [loopy] nerd is probably stinking up the whole [parking!] forest by now.
LOL i am DYING!! omg@ jew money lover hahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
I was always a fan of the Breakfast Club edits ... "Flip you Claire! Flip you!"
And no, I did not slip her my hot ... love and ... affection
Snakes On A Plane
Original: "I've had it with these mother fucking snakes on this mother fucking plane"
edited: "I've had it with these monkey fighting snakes on this Monday to Friday plane"