Edited-for-TV Movies: Doo!

 

A Korean-American friend tells us that her favorite place to watch gritty, dark, intense American movies (think: The Godfather, Sharks in Venice) is Korea.  Specifically, Korean television. Why? Here's the example she gave me.

Last summer she was watching her favorite movie - Scarface - with some cousins in Korea. Of course, the whole thing was dubbed using decidedly un-Pacino, non-Pfeiffer, not-Mastrantonio American voices, and not a single bad word made it through the translation.  And then it came time for her favorite line from the movie: "The world is like one big pussy waiting to be fucked."  Except they had translated it as: "There are many opportunities for a young man in America."

Needless to say, we can't wait to go to Korea.  In the meantime, here are some of our favorite movie quotes, as massacred by American television:

Silence of the Lambs

Original:   "I'd fuck me, I'd fuck me hard."

Edited:     "I'd marry me, I'd marry me hard."

Aliens

Original:   "You don't see them fucking each other over for a god-damn percentage."
Edited:     "You don't see them frigging each other over for a god-damn percentage." * 

Speed
Original:   "Pop quiz, asshole."
Edited:     "Pop quiz, [high-pitched, nerdy voice] ANIMAL!"

The Usual Suspects

Original:  "Give me the keys you fucking cocksucker."
Edited:    "Give me the keys you fairy godmother"

~and~

"Give me the keys you father bugger." **

The Exorcist

Original:   "Your mother sucks cocks in hell."
Edited:     "Your mother sews socks in hell."

Casino

Original:   "So who blew you in the parking lot before you came here?"
Edited:     "So who knew you in the parking lot before you came here?"

~and~

Original:    "Fuck me? Fuck you, motherfucker!"
Edited:      "Forget me? Forget you, mother forgetter!"

~and~

Original:    "Listen to me, you Jew motherfucker."
Edited:      "Listen to me, you Jew money lover." **

The Big Lebowski

Original:   "This is what happens, Larry! This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!"
Edited:     "This is what happens, Larry! This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps!"

National Lampoon's Vacation
Original:   "Well fuck your mama."
Edited:     "Who do I look like, Christopher Columbo?"

and of course, the crown jewel of TV editing:

Die Hard
Original:  "Yippie-ki-yay, motherfucker."
Edited:    "Yippie-ki-yay, Mickey-Fickey."

"Yippie-ki-yay, Kemosabe."

"Yippie-ki-yay, Mr. Falcon."
"Yippie-ki-yay, melon farmer."

Did I leave anything out? Click here to share your faves.

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* Frigging each other?

** Just as offensive as the original.

Comments

[trap]

BLAZING SADDLES

"Little bastard shot me in the ass!"

"Little PUNK shot me in the YOU KNOW"

[Leigh]

That [loopy] nerd is probably stinking up the whole [parking!] forest by now.

[christineteigen@mac.com]

LOL i am DYING!! omg@ jew money lover hahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

[mk]

I was always a fan of the Breakfast Club edits ... "Flip you Claire! Flip you!"

And no, I did not slip her my hot ... love and ... affection

[Drim]

Snakes On A Plane
Original: "I've had it with these mother fucking snakes on this mother fucking plane"

edited: "I've had it with these monkey fighting snakes on this Monday to Friday plane"

[Mac Cosmetics Wholesa]

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