Wed, November 25, 2009 In the spirit of Sharks in Venice and Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, The Daily Doo gives you: Thankskilling.
NB: You may want to turn the volume down on this one.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Thu, August 27, 2009 
Via Flickr user lemonysarahAccording to the University of Michigan's Institute for Social Research, modern men are doing more household chores than ever before in the history of mankind.
Just kidding. Here's what the researchers actually found:
1. Men spend an average of 13 hours a week on household chores -- a 7-hour increase from the men of 1976.
Unfortunately . . .
2. Men also create 7 hours of housework for women each week. Much of this extra housework is described by the U. Mich researchers as "emotional labor" -- things like buying birthday cards, planning vacations, making dinner reservations and scheduling doctor appointments.
So what does this mean for women?
Well, as usual, women are fucked. As one Daily Doo reader tells it:
[My husband] cleans the kitchen a couple times a week - which is great, don't get me wrong. But if you saw the faces he pulls while he's doing it you'd think I was running a one-man gulag. Sometimes I'll call him Cinderfella, or I'll ask him: "why the long face?" Which is actually really mean of me because his face is kinda freakishly long. His parents used to call him Horsehead.
Yes, as men look back on the days when their fathers sat expectantly at the head of the table while they had their meat cut up for them - the days when wives beamed with pride and lavished praise if their husbands managed to direct their pee stream directly into the toilet bowl - women are still doing the same amount of housework as before, but with less of the credit. Ain't them the breaks?
But the good news is that women in all professions are finally being paid the same as their male counterparts.
Oh no, wait a minute. Shit. They aren't.
doo not Sun, July 26, 2009 
We were so looking forward to Life After Labor -- the season finale of MTV's 16 and Pregnant. Unfortunately, they let Dr. Drew be the host. And he had his pedestal all shined up for the occasion.Dr. Drew must have been up all night writing his questions for the young moms, choosing just the right words to make each one feel dirty and ashamed in her own special way. ("Do you feel like you've given up on your dreams?" - "Would you say your mother is overbearing?" - "Are you sure you didn't try to get pregnant?") We spent the first 45 minutes cringing.
But we were pretty much out of our skin when Dr. Drew rounded out the hour by taking a dump on an innocent bystander: breastfeeding.
It started when an audience member asked why none of the girls on the show seem to be breastfeeding. The teen moms responded with a babble of complaints -- about the pain of breastfeeding, how hard it is,* omg it makes your boobs feel like rocks!, I quit after a week, I didn't even try. Well blah blah blah Ginger. We can excuse their understandable ignorance.
But Dr. Drew has no excuse. As we watched in horror, Dr. Drew, looking like the wolf that bit Old Yeller, broke in and shouted that breastfeeding "HURTS!!" Laughing with fake empathy - as if he, too, could remember the dark days when his breasts were engorged with milk - Drew took a turn for the glib, chuckling that a lot of people have "romantic ideas" about breastfeeding and hinting at a reality far more deadly.
We were fairly shocked after this little performance. What the hell is Dr. Drew's problem with breastfeeding?? One wonders if Similac bought him a brand-new SUV. Maybe a big tit killed his father. We really can't say.
What we can say is: Suck it, Dr. Drew. We hope he gets the message.
* That's what she said.
Thu, July 16, 2009 
Starting today, the Sears Tower will henceforth be known as "Willis Tower".
Back in April, we shat on Four Seasons for screwing with the Regent Beverly Wilshire in much the same way (click here if you missed that one). Now it is Willis's turn to be the focus of our ire.
In fact, if anyone out there from "Willis" is reading this: we fart in your general direction. And that building you paid millions of dollars to get your name on? We're still calling it the Sears Tower. So there.
Thu, July 9, 2009 
Last Friday we checked in to a tony new resort in Palos Verdes, California for the holiday weekend. Later that evening (after fueling up on fire water in the hot tub), we were poised to drunk-dive into the empty swimming pool when a young man in a monogrammed polo shirt appeared and informed us, in the soberest of tones, that the pool was closed for the rest of the day. Why? Well -- "There was an accident."But it turns out we had it all wrong.
You see, the accident actually occurred in a kid's pants. (In a kid's pants??) Well--in a kid's pants in the pool. (Were the pants, by chance, disposable?) You bet your ass they were!
We can't say we didn't see this coming. As The Daily Doo reported last January in The Diaper Pool: Doo Not, the practice of allowing incontinent infants to blaze a brown trail through the big-kid pool has blossomed -- like a mushroom cloud of osmotic diarrhea -- into a poopy pandemic. So please -- if someone you love is a plastic pant smasher, please don't place that person in a hotel swimming pool this summer. Despite what you might otherwise believe, your fellow guests probably don't appreciate spending $400 a night to backstroke through your kid's BM.
Mon, July 6, 2009 
Tue, May 26, 2009 Tonight, "Day of Decision" rallies will be held all over the country in reaction to the court's ruling. The Daily Doo will be out in full force at the WeHo rally, which starts at 7 p.m. at the intersection of San Vicente and Santa Monica Boulevard. We hope to see you there!
To find a "Day of Decision" rally in your area, text "RALLY" plus your ZIP code (e.g., "RALLY 90069", "RALLY 10025") to 27336 - or click here for more information.