Much a-Doo about Festivus

It's official: the state of Washington has gone completely meshuge.

As of this writing, officials are considering some schmuck's request to erect a Festivus pole at the State Capitol in Olympia. If allowed, the Festivus pole would take its place alongside the Christmas tree, menorah, nativity scene, and -- most recently -- a placard sponsored by the Freedom From Religion Foundation ("FFRF") stating that there are "no gods, no devils," and that "[r]eligion is but myth and superstition."

Not surprisingly, the brimstone and hellfire set did not respond well to this latest member of the First Amendment holiday pageant. In the words of Pastor Ken Hutcherson of the Antioch Bible Church:

"Hey, I believe in Jesus Christ, and if you don't, you're gonna fry like a Jimmy Dean pure pork sausage."

So here's where Festivus comes in.

Amid all the ho-ho-ho and hatred, a guy named Jim Buenzli decided to ask his government to erect a Festivus pole.*

For those of you who were otherwise occupied in the '90s, Festivus was invented by Seinfeld character George Costanza's father, Frank, after suffering through a particularly gnarly day of Christmas shopping. According to FestivusPoles.com,

The tradition begins with a bare aluminum pole, which Frank praises for its "very high strength-to-weight ratio." During Festivus, an unadorned aluminum pole is displayed, apparently in opposition to the commercialization of highly decorated Christmas trees [. . .]. Local customs vary and you may be able to decorate your pole with non-threatening plain decorations, or ordinary green garland.

The website goes on to describe the second and third elements of the Festivus celebration: the Airing of Grievances at the Festivus meal (where each celebrant describes the times he or she was disappointed by the other celebrants during the past year), and the Feats of Strength (a wrestling match between the head of the family and his or her chosen opponent; it is said that Festivus is not over until the head of the family has been pinned to the ground).

Whether the state of Washington will actually allow a Festivus pole to grace its already-cluttered capitol will likely be determined in the coming days. In the meantime, those of us who don't give a flying fuck at a rolling donut about what gets put where at any state capital -- let alone the one in Washington -- will spend a few minutes watching clips from the Festivus episode on Youtube, and then forget about this whole thing.

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*And now the religious wrong -- whose vision, like the T. Rex, is based on movement -- will strike down with great vengeance and furious anger on . . . Festivus. (FFRF: take a knee.)