Presidential Doo-bate

In tonight's debate, the candidates fired off farty vernacular (pork barrel) and dropped buzz words (earmark) in a triumph of political circle-talk (which, unlike the other circle hyphenate, does not contain a happy ending).

(Photo by Scott Beale/Laughing Squid)

There were many great moments, but TDD has culled the list down to these FIVE favorites.
So now, without further a-doo:

1. Tolly-bon, Pock-ee-stan, Waziristan
The candidates used a combined five million syllables over the course of the debate, culminating in an Ahmadinejad showdown of epic proportions (Obama won). Many Americans have praised the candidates' willingness to pronounce the unpronounceable and remember the unrememberable (Waziristan?). Meanwhile, in a show of post-Houshmandzadeh sour grapes, sportscasters and football fans are wondering aloud what all of the hoopla's about.

2. Bracelet v. Bracelet
McCain shyly confessed -- for the 15th time, on TV -- that he wears a bracelet containing the name of a young man who died in Iraq. Not to be outdone, Obama revealed that he, too, wears a bracelet in memory of a young male soldier. I know Captain Obvious is reporting in for duty here, but doesn't this all sound a bit, well, gay? The presidential candidates are having a pissing contest about their bracelets? Shit, let's get Heidi Klum in here to settle this one and call it a night.

3. American Flag Pin
Obama has been dining on doo over his previous refusal to wear a cheap ugly American flag pin. Tonight, Obama proudly displayed said pin on his left lapel, over the heart. This tells the people that Obama loves America so much that he's willing to show it with flair. Early polls indicate confusion over the provenance of said pin, with 9 out of 10 hockey moms considering a switch to Obama if the pin turns out to be a gift from a dead soldier's mother.

4. Earmarks
No one wants to be associated with earmarks. Earmarks are the new Lockbox. Which is to say that they are at once bad, funny, and never to be mentioned again (outside of SNL).

5. Spain!!?
Obama characterizes McCain as a nervous diaper who may or may not be willing to "sit down" with the president of Spain. Spain??!? The country has been suffering from the sovereign equivalent of impotence for 500 years. My fellow Americans, this is embarrassing -- they don't even have tortilla chips. Let's move on.

6. $3 Million Dollars to Study the DNA of Bears in Montana
In all fairness, we don't know anything about this project. It could be the key to curing cancer . . . in cats.