Media outlets are already calling it "a titanic mound of turgid clichés" (MTV News), "Kara's mess" (The Village Voice), and a "bloated corpse" that threatened to turn the Idol finale into "some kind of torture-porn horror flick" (Entertainment Weekly). One writer had "trouble believing it wasn't ripped off from the soundtrack of Team America: World Police" (Celebuzz).

As for our opinion?

Derivative masturbatory tripe. A very special kind of crap - the kind that mysteriously has corn in it when you haven't eaten any corn. Or it could be likened to a stranger's fart in close quarters: at first you think you're smelling food from some unseen cafeteria; then you realize there is no cafeteria. Desperate. A desperate diaper.

If for no other reason than an appreciation for the shortness of life, we will stop here.