Holy Shit

Per Us Weekly, this sexy transgendered dude at left purports to be Orlando Bloom. Is that the White Tree of Gondor on his torso? We can only imagine the frisson of ecstasy he experienced when Viggo gently guided the needle around his nipple over at Weathertop. (I assume you've all seen these.)

We must admit that we are not not slightly aroused by this photo, in that Ewan McGregor/Lady Stardust/Love Me Two Times/Infant Sorrow/Dirty Legolas kind of way. To put this photo in producerspeak:*

It's kinda like Midnight Cowboy meets Brokeback Mountain, with a little bit of Jem & the Holograms mixed in.

A more succinct comparison would be Velvet Goldmine, but no one saw that movie except me -- and I was too busy masturbating to tell you what it was about.

One (idly) wonders where he came up with those pants; our guess is either Charlotte Russe or Patricia Field. Though we suppose he could have borrowed them from Eddie Murphy.

*Click here for more producerspeak.

Diss Me Like You Mean It

With the holiday season upon us (Ramadan; Rosh Hashanah; Fantasy Football), I recommend someecards.com for all of your subversive e-greeting needs. I recently pissed away an afternoon creating a few cards of my own using the "Create Cards" function:

In honor of an upcoming California Ballot Proposition:

...lawyers:

...and, finally, the perfect diss for the producer in your life:

Enjoy!