They're baaaack: More Men Injured in Falling Dow

The Dow dropped 254 points today, hurting the feelings of millions of American men. Indeed, not since our previous reports, Dow Plummets; Kicks Nation's Men in the Nuts and New Market Low: Donkey Kong Kill Screen (click here and here to read), has America been forced to confront so many photos of male faces contorted with shock and pain.

These are just a few of the grim images that have flooded online media outlets throughout the day, reminding us that the economic downturn has knife-edge-kicked the knees of no other demographic segment with as much ferocity and as little mercy as the American male.

No women have been reported harmed.

(Thanks to loyal TDD reader "CD" for bringing this story to our immediate attention.)

Hark!

With the election almost a week behind us, our lives are just now returning to that old familiar meaningless routine again.

Our pigeon brains, long-accustomed to pissing away the days of our lives focusing on fantasy football and The Hills, start to peck at us with a nagging question: now what? Luckily, there is a cure for our emptiness -- something as powerful as the democratic process, and no less expensive. Christmas.

New Market Low: Donkey Kong Kill Screen

Evan Handler, better known as the Bald Guy from
Sex and the City, reacts as market descends to
new "Donkey Kong Kill Screen" low.

(Image via CNN.com)

Dow Plummets; Kicks Nation's Men in the Nuts

The Dow fell another 500 points today, delivering a terrifying blow to the ball sacks of men around the nation. Internet media outlets have been flooded with photos of male suffering throughout the past two days, highlighting the devastating effects of the economic downturn on American men.

This posting contains images that may come as a shock to some readers -- so please proceed with caution as The Daily Doo takes a look at what some are calling "The Shots Heard Round the World."

When asked for his reaction to Tuesday's dismal developments, Dick Talbert (far left) quipped, "Are you familiar with the term Cleveland Steamer?"

Jock Sanders emotes as the Dow craps on his parade.

"I feel like I just got a colorectal exam . . . from Edward Scissorhands," cries Jimmy Norma, above.

Ben Sherbert's reaction to today's news? "Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done . . . "

Still smarting from the Dow hammering its steel-toe boots into his nuts, Farouk Updassa, above, aims for optimism: "I didn't really want more kids, anyway."

In other news, media outlets have offered sparse examples of female market anguish -- no doubt a byproduct of the fact that women, as a result of their gender-wide underperformance in such subjects as math and logic, are wholly unaffected by news of a financial nature. Indeed, a photo by Getty Images, rather than being an exception, seems to prove the rule that women "just don't get it" --

Sandra Marshall, above, laments: "What am I going to tell my husband?" Minutes later, satellites picked up Marshall's outline in front of the family room TV, watching The View.

Bailout Bill: Blackmail?

We've all heard that the Senate passed its own version of the bailout bill yesterday, with Biden, McCain, and Obama all in favor. What we haven't heard is that the Senators were forced to look at the following illustration immediately prior to casting their votes:

Thanks to reader KJ for bringing this troubling fact to our attention.